By Ali Dunn
My journey to parenthood has been full of uncertainty. Like many women in their early thirties, I just assumed that when I was ready to have a baby, I would. I had no reason to believe that getting pregnant would pose any difficulty for me. I was relatively young, healthy, and had no untreated medical issues. I looked fertile on paper, but there was some unknown reason why I was unable to get pregnant. I questioned if I was ever going to be a parent.
After 3.5 years of infertility, countless interventions, 6 failed IUIs, and 2 IVF cycles, I was pregnant. Not only was I expecting one baby, but it was twins. I was overjoyed and terrified. I had been dreaming of that moment for so long, and yet it was hard to relax and enjoy a high-risk pregnancy full of unknowns. At my 27-week appointment, signs of preterm labor were noticed, and I was sent to the hospital for monitoring. Several hours later, I settled into my hospital room for indefinite bed rest. Over the next seven days of hospital bed rest, we did everything possible to stop the babies from coming while also preparing for the very real possibility that it might not work. On the eighth day, I had finally convinced the doctors that I would continue strict bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy at home.
One final fetal monitoring stood between me and my own bed. And then, one twin’s heart rate dropped. It continued to do so over the next six hours. I wasn’t going home, and in fact, an emergency c-section was necessary. Several doctors crowded into my hospital room and tried to explain the risks and unknown outcomes of delivering at 28 weeks.
As I was wheeled down the hall to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) to meet my tiny babies for the first time, I thought about how I was once again in an incomprehensible situation. My very small and premature babies were fighting for their survival and I could do little more than witness the fight. I felt completely powerless and out of control. I didn’t feel the rush of joy I had always imagined. I felt fear that my babies might not survive.
Several days after my twins’ early birth, I was discharged. They were not. Leaving them in the hospital was excruciating, but I took comfort in the fact that they had each other.
Over the next 2 months, I developed an all-day, everyday NICU routine that would become my new normal. Like so many NICU stays, ours was not without moments of bliss and despair. I believe the NICU holds these two disparate emotions closer than any other space in the hospital. We dealt with many of the common health problems associated with prematurity; jaundice, apnea, PDA, and infections. But after 65 days in the NICU, the time came, when everyone could come home. And while the NICU part of our journey ended, the future was still uncertain.
As my twins grew, they loved hearing about their “origin” story and seeing pictures from their babyhood. From the very beginning, this always included discussions of life in the NICU, explaining that they were born early, they were very small, and needed additional time in the hospital to grow. I thought a book would be a nice supplement to the conversations we were having, so I set out to find a book about the NICU. I was looking for a simple introduction to the NICU, developmentally appropriate for younger toddlers, and reframed the NICU experience from scary to positive. But I couldn’t find anything I loved, so I decided to write one myself. My children enjoyed the book, we read it over and over to the point that they memorized it.
I decided to start Me Two Books, an organization that uses books as an educational tool to help children recognize differences in themselves and others and to embrace them. My first book, I Was a Preemie Just Like You celebrates what young preemies went through and reminds them that they are not alone.
My journey to parenthood has been so much more than I expected. It has changed my life, my career, and my passion. Having preemie twins changed me forever, and for the better.
Bio:
Ali Dunn is the founder of Me Two Books and the author of four children’s books: I Was a Preemie Just Like You, I Needed the NICU Just Like You, One of Two, a Twin Story about Individuality, and The Career Explorer: An Introduction to Career Development and STEAM Careers. She is also the creator of an ecourse about Career Exploration. Ali is the chief mom officer of identical twins born at 28 weeks via emergency c-section. You can learn more about her books at metwobooks.com and connect with her on her blog, Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.
